According to Cathy Hughes, Executive Director of Senior Star at Elmore Place, caring for parents can be stressful and confusing. Learning how to manage the guilt and conflict can make the process manageable.
Should we sell the house? Take away the car keys? How do we talk to mom and dad about moving? These life questions and more are common among the Baby Boom generation and their parents.
According to census data, nearly one in three Quad Citians is at least 50 years old, and as many face their own prospects of retirement, they are also guiding parents through the Greatest Generation’s golden years.
“Taking care of your parents can be stressful and confusing,” says Executive Director of Senior Star at Elmore Place, Cathy Hughes. “It’s hard on the children, siblings, and especially parents who want to maintain their independence. We believe it’s time to start a meaningful dialogue with our families, caregivers and professionals in the community about these issues.”
To do so, Senior Star at Elmore Place is partnering with WQAD, News 8 on a special series of reports to not only guide local families but also educate them on local resources available for navigating social, legal, financial and senior living issues facing our seniors and their families.
Retirement living has come a long way in the last twenty years. Families are encouraged to explore all their options.
Some of the topics that will be included in this series are: managing multiple medications, whether or not a senior should continue to drive, or what options are available for retirement living.
Award-winning WQAD will address these and other topics in a special series. These insightful, informative reports will begin with a three-part series premiering Sunday, May 22nd on News 8 at 10, with continuing stories airing Monday, May 23rd on News 8 at 6:00 and on Wednesday, May 25th on News 8 at 6:00.
A continuing segment on senior issues will begin airing monthly in June for the remainder of 2011.
Know the Steps to Success
Among the biggest topics is confusion over when it’s time to address retirement living options with mom or dad. Hughes says the key to transition parents into retirement living lies in planning ahead, reconciling conflict, and putting a parent’s needs first when contemplating a move to an independent, assisted or memory care living community or a traditional nursing home.
“Parents want to retain their independence, which sometimes comes into direct conflict with reality: a child worried about his or her parent’s safety or isolation,” explains Hughes.
“There’s guilt on both sides. A parent doesn’t want to be a burden, while children feel guilty bringing up the subject of moving parents from a memory-filled home where many spent childhoods. The result: mom or dad often discourages discussion on the subject, until a crisis such as an accident or illness forces the issue when emotions are running especially high,” she adds.
“The fact is there are amazing choices for parents these days that debunk the stereotype of the traditional nursing home. These communities have changed the perspective from dreading a move to a more social environment with around-the clock care.
“When they see how far senior living has come, families tell us they should have made the decision sooner. With their parents thriving and happy, the family is focused on making memories with grandchildren and embracing a new chapter in their lives,” adds Hughes.
Follow these steps to promote a successful plan and transition to retirement living:
Step 1: Manage Guilt
- Share your own feelings.
- Help the parent to retain whatever control is possible.
- Educate yourself on the parent’s legal, financial and medical matters.
- Respect and identify your own needs and concerns.
Step 2: Address Family Conflict
- Ask: What are the senior’s concerns?
- What are the grown children’s needs?
- What emotions are involved?
- Identify and reconcile the conflicts or disconnects.
Step 3: Call a Family Meeting
- Stay calm, focused, and respectful.
- Remember you are doing this because you care and it is your responsibility.
- Tour some retirement living communities with parents and talk to residents and families.
- Work toward an agreement to take another step forward.
Source: Senior Star at Elmore Place
